I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
