i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
