I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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