I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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