My sheets look like a crime scene.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Randomize
