come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
