I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
