He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
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