sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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