I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
