So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Floor bacon is actually really good
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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