I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I have fence marks all over my body
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
