hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
