She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
