i was born a porn star she said
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
