I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
