I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
