and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
