dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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