I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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