Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
