He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
