We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
