um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
