I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
