Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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