Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I think my vagina is haunted
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
