Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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