i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
