You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
