Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
