there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
operation harelip BJ is a go
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Randomize
