sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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