Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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