He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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