We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
