Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
So gin and wine won't be happening again
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
