I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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