Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
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