If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
