Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
