If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
