so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
