So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
