I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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