3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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