I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
