Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
