I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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