today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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