Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
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