I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize