'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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