Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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