I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
