I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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