It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
