Yo dont text me then not text me
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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