O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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