K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I understand Curling. That high.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
