His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
