So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize