It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
