So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
