don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
