You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
