he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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