3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
