why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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