Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
